Feeling lost and lonely - A guide to finding yourself again

At one point in your life, you will find yourself feeling lost and lonely. You won’t know what to do and it will feel excruciatingly miserable. It feels terrible because happiness is linked to making progress. You feel great when you’re moving in a forward direction towards what you’d like to achieve in your life. When you’re not, it’s mentally agonizing. Feeling lonely, as well, only makes it worse.

And of course, feeling lost and lonely is usually a matched set. This is because no one wants to talk openly about it. It’s common to share about your triumphs when life is great. But, when life is directionless the inclination is to hide how you feel (and hide from people) until you sort it out.

If you’re suffering in silence and googling for clarity, this article will provide you some immediate relief.

Here’s a step by step method to your way back…

Surrender to how you feel

When you feel lost you can be damn sure you’ll do your best to think your way out of it. You’ll immediately start asking yourself why you feel the way you do . You’ll come up with reasons to validate why. Then, you’ll start trying to figure out what you need to do to feel better and gain some traction in life.

But here’s the kicker about feeling lost: Sometimes you know WHY you feel the way you do. And, you’ll have some ideas of WHAT to do, but you can still feel foggy and unclear. You’ll still find yourself grappling and you will still feel confused and uncertain about what to do.

The first thing to do is accept where you’re at. Accept the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts your having. Surrender to this moment in your life. Stop fighting it. Stop trying to figure things out. Just do your best to BE with the way things are, without the need to fix it.

Relinquish control and get immediate peace

When you force change to occur, you’ll create resistance. If you have thoughts like “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I need to do something about this” you are trying to force too much. Relinquish control and you’ll get some immediate peace.

The more you try and force yourself to feel better the worse you’ll make the situation. Anytime you try and force situations and emotions to change you’ll create resistance. This will extend your period of feeling lost. You don’t want to do this.

When you’re feeling lost and lonely, accepting where you’re at probably doesn’t inspire you too much.

But the best thing to do is say to yourself: “Where I’m at right now in my life is the perfect place for me to be. Clarity is soon to come.” Do your best to chill out and be in a state of wonder. Wonder what’s next to emerge in your life. Start to be inquisitive. Try on ideas and possible future pathways in your mind like you’re shopping for clothes that fit.

What you resist persists. So surrender and get that this is jus at period you’re in right now. It will pass as all stages and emotions do.

Don’t make rash decisions

You might feel like making some radical changes when you feel lost and alone, such as: Break up with a partner, quit a job, move across the country. Don’t do anything major. Carry on with your regular day-to-day life as best you can. Distract yourself from your negative thoughts. Refocus on new projects and other people. Your sense of feeling lost will fade. Clarity will come. Wait it out.

Decisions need to be made only when you feel good. When you make decisions when you’re in a negative state you’re reacting to life versus taking an active approach to life. Decisions made when you feel bad will never turn out well.

Share authentically

You’re innate ability to share is a gift. Sharing is a bridge out of the darkness of your mind. It builds connections with others. It creates an access from you to the world. Sharing helps inspiration, hope, belief and love to flow to you.

There’s strength in sharing authentically about how you feel with people you trust and love, and sometimes even strangers. The catch is you won’t feel like sharing about the fact you’re feeling lost and lonely. Do it anyways! (You can still do something even if you don’t feel like it. It’s like getting out of bed on a Monday morning when you feel like sleeping in).

But if you’re brave enough to say to a few people “you know, I’ve been feeling a bit directionless at this point in my life”, you’ll likely get some immediate relief. You’ll likely see you’re not alone in your experience. You’ll see how people are willing to help. You may even get some inspiration. Perhaps a new opportunity will show up. Or, you’ll connect with someone on a deeper level.

Lastly, share authentically but also make sure you’re not sharing over and over with the same person or being super negative. Sharing about your struggle is different than bitching complaining. Don’t be an energy sucker for other people.

Take care of your physical health

Crappy food. No fresh air. No exercise. This will certainly NOT help.

Focus right now on taking care of your body, mind and spirit. Do what you need to do to feel good. Make sure you’re not overloading on sugar, caffeine, or fast food. Get outside. Move your body. Eat well. Nourish yourself.

This includes feeding your brain with positive information and knowledge. Listen to an audiobook that inspires you. Evaluate the content you take in daily. Weed out the crap.

Watch what you say!

Pay close attention to the language you use when you’re with others and what you say to yourself. Shift the jargon you use so it’s lighter and more objective. For instance, if you keep saying to yourself and others: “I feel like shit. I don’t know what to do”, a slight change to: “I haven’t been feeling to best. I’m seeking inspiration” will take the sting off of the way you feel and help you’re focus shift. It will help you remain open to new possibilities during an uncomfortable time.

When you speaking negatively you train your brain to carve out and speed up more negative pathways. So take control of your language, make some slight changes. It will help you to start thinking more objectively and to be more open-minded.

Feeling lonely? Go be around people

Loneliness is voluntary. When you feel alone, go be around people. Call someone. Go on the Internet and connect with someone. Simply putting yourself in an atmosphere of people — a shopping mall, a farmers market, a beach, a Starbucks — can help pull you out of your funk.

You also might have moments where you want to be alone. Go be in nature and think. Sit quietly. Take a bath and feel the warm water on your body. Do whatever you need to do to feel good.

Have more fun

Reconnect with your inner child. Play. Do something pointless and random that you like to do for no reason at all. Getting lost in fun will help you find yourself.

Try an adult coloring book.
Listen to a genre of music that’s new to you.
Borrow someone’s dog or cat for a weekend.
Eat food you never tried.
Seek out new people and experiences.
Do cartwheels in the park.
Go fishing.

Finally, here is the bottom line on feeling lost and lonely. It’s temporary, and therefore it will not last. You will find yourself and your passion again. You can give up feeling lonely and rejoin the world. Re-read this guide and apply the advice and you’ll get there sooner.